Our primary reaction is to evaluate the other party’s statement from our point of view. Especially when strong feelings and emotions are involved, we tend to lose our objectivity and get personal, without considering the circumstances under which the statement has been or the other person’s point of view, two judgements, two schools of thought and ultimately there is such a large communication gap that nothing is resolved and more confusion is wrought.
The only way one can overcome this barrier to communication, Is by listening. Listening and understanding is the gateway to communication. If one listens and understand the other person’s thoughts and feelings so well, that one can summarise them from the other person’s point of view, it means that communication has cut across all barriers. In other words, put yourself in the other person’s place before presenting your point of view to be able to understand his thoughts and his frame of reference.
But to be an objective listener presents its own difficulties. It needs courage. In trying to be impartial and yet understand another person’s point of view.one runs the risk of being changed oneself and losing one’s attitude and the personality being influenced by the other person’s thought processes.
This sort of listening and understanding is very difficult when larger groups are involved like for example – two nations at dispute.
Moreover, it needs a neutral person or an outsider to listen objectively and judge fairly especially in a situation where emotions are at play. It has been found an outsider can make a sounder judgement than a person who is involved or relates to any of the parties. This is not possible between nations or two religious sects. But this can be resorted to in small groups or person to person.
Differences in background, experience, sense of values also pose barriers to communication. To state an example in the case of a boss and an employee. It often happens that the boss tries to explain his plan of action or his logical reasoning assuming that he understands what his employee has to say about it. He tries to get the employee to see things from his point of view. By ignoring his employee’s feelings and rationalising his own, he blocks communication. He does not credit the employee with the power of reasoning. As a result, the employee hears only his boss’s attitude rather than the logical content of his words. He feels piqued, his self-esteem is threatened and he becomes more defensive and as a result his work suffers a setback.
On the other hand, if the boss feels he cannot ignore the feelings of the employees and instead of getting the employee to understand him he decides to listen to what the employee has to say, the employee begins to open up and feels accepted a s a person credited with some sense. He perceives his boss as a source of help rather than a threat. He becomes less defensive and feels free to express his differences. This facilitates communication and his work is more productive because he has got moral support.
Even though the listening approach to any problem is a little difficult to put into practice, it is a challenge which should be explored to its fullest extent in today’s world to facilitate mutual communication.
Thus, man’s ability to listen intelligently, understandingly and skilfully to another person opens up the floodgates of communication and today’s companies, industries and universities should try to strive towards this approach for a better understanding and a brighter future.
You can say anything to people, but how you say it will determine how they react
– John Rampton, (Entrepreneur & Investor) –
